Mom Shaming: Why It Has to Stop
Parenting style differs from one mom to another. It’s easy for us to judge – from their looks, their decisions and the way they treat their kids. And because we don’t really know what they are going through in their daily lives, we should avoid judging or mom shaming different types of moms.
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“The juggle is real” for these moms who return to the workforce a few months after giving birth. Some decide to come back to the career they built. And are afraid to lose further career opportunities. While some need to find a job to sustain their growing family. Since they have a busy schedule, they are judged for spending less time with the kids and at home. They might have missed a school play because of an extended meeting. Or forgot to pack their child’s tent for the school camping. Some tend to micromanage their child’s life. But they are only doing so to avoid chaos. On the other hand, there are also career moms who say that they feel empowered when given the chance to both work and grow a family.
A career mom wishes she could have a pause button too. So she can attend to her household and childcare responsibilities. She wants to be able to de-clutter and repaint the kitchen. Or fetch her child from school but practically speaking, sometimes she just can’t. She needs to pay the tuition, insurances and monthly bills. And she tries her best to be present most of the time. But giving up her 9 to 5 job might not be the best option for now.
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Also known as SAHM, is a mom who may or may not have decided to leave the workforce. So she can raise one child or several children and manage the entire household. She wears different hats all throughout the day. She can be a chef, teacher, accountant, laundry manager, driver and yaya. Or she may have extra helping hands for the kids, but she makes sure she’ll be the one to attend to their every need. Often times, they are judged for not having financial contribution and their lives seem easier because they have time to Netflix and chill if they wish to.
But the truth is even if they are stay-at-home Moms, they are always out doing errands. Sringing the kids to school, grocery shopping, paying bills and watching soccer games. They just have a never-ending to-do list too! Their jobs may look easy but sometimes they also wish to talk to someone else outside the home. They may miss the workforce or social circle they’ve been used to. But they wouldn’t trade the time they could spend with their children now for anything else.
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They became single moms by choice or from unplanned family change.
Whatever the situation is, they have learned to get rid of negative thoughts. Just so they can be more effective in raising their child. They know that they have to do things double time. From working, managing finances to taking care of a newborn or attending their child’s school events they are up for the challenge.
Single moms are discriminated and left out in social circles because of their unusual situation. And are forced to do things independently. They may act tough and defensive, but they are just guarding their hearts. They may be single but they don’t feel alone. Because they know they have their child to grow old with.
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They are used to being questioned if their pregnancy was planned or just an accident. Most of the women her age do not have kids yet. And are still building up their careers and relationships. So it’s hard to share with them what she is actually going through. Young moms learned that they now have to share their free time with their child. Night outs are changed to night feedings. And working out at the gym is the same as carrying their child around for hours. Some people do not take them seriously and their decision-making skills are questioned due to lack of experience. Adults also doubt if they can raise their child well. Especially that most of them are not yet financially stable.
It may or may not be unexpected but these moms are taking charge of their children. There is still plenty of room for self-improvement and growth. They still have so much energy. They can spend countless hours playing with their kids. Or eventually go back to the workforce if they wish to since they are still young. Some may say they have not yet accomplished anything in life. But for them, their child is their best accomplishment.
Every mom has her own story to tell and we should learn how to listen instead of making judgments right away. What they need is a supportive community to cheer them on and give assurance that they are doing a great job! And avoid mom shaming at all costs! Whatever type of mom you are now, we know that you only want the best for your child. Keep up the good job, mommy!